Working to Live

Today I want to talk about balance. Balance is a concept that I am working towards in by life right now (and for the past few years). 

Occasionally I take time to look at the night sky, keeping in touch with one aspect of nature's rhythms. I also like to go out and meet new people all over town. Two very separate things, I thought. Now I know that the two can balance each other. Looking at the night sky is helpful in clearing my mind and helping me focus. And I need that focus to remember names and faces and to have conversations. In turn, my relationships with people help me gain insight into the system of nature and community here. You see, both concepts balance each other. The inner contemplation and outward search for people are symbiotic.

Lately, living in Asheville has taught me a few things about myself. One being: I am totally independent, but I cannot feel as safe without reaching out for support. I know that in grief, support is key. Also in my life, which has suffered its own losses in the recent past, I need support from God, family, community, old and new friends. Looking back at the night sky. If looking at the night sky reminds me of God and humanity, this creates a sense of peace and understanding in me, which in turn provides support. 

Working with dying patients and their families is sometimes draining. Some days I will come home from work and want to sleep it away. This is depressing. Usually when I feel like this I will honor my feelings, but not the urge to sleep. Instead, I think my thoughts and and feel my emotions and then do something active. Doing activities that show me how to feel the way I want to feel helps: Running, yoga, hiking, and even hula hoop dancing! But I do still have to process all of my feelings eventually.  

Another thing I am trying to do is to not bring my work home with me. This is an ever-morphing process, because I bring the music home with me to rehearse, to learn. At home, I learn about the concepts of my work, but I do not bring my work to my home-time. My work is with the patients. And to bring my work home is not in balance's best interests.

This weekend I've been working at Moogfest, an electronic music festival in downtown Asheville. It's a crazy, very outward-looking environment. But somehow, in the midst of it all, there is an inner peace. The vibration of sound weaves together the threads of the people.

So, I've been asked recently, "Do you want to live to work or work to live?" If I'm balance conscious, the answer is obvious, I think.