Stepping Stones to a Joyful Life

My time in Asheville is coming to a close this week. My internship ended leaving me feeling proud of myself for all that I've accomplished: academically, professionally, and personally. Soon enough I'll have my bachelor's degree, and my MT-BC. I am so excited to be looking for an MT job soon. I know that the mountains of NC will be a perfect place for that search to begin. Last week, the week after my internship ended, I engaged in a gentle Ayurvedic cleanse. Ayurveda is an ancient Indian form of medicine and healing. My cleanse consisted of eating a whole foods, organic, and vegetarian diet that supports healthy digestion, daily yoga and meditation, other cleansing and detoxifying treatments, and refraining from screen time except for occasional cell phone use. I found myself with plenty of free time and a nice feeling body. In my free time I hiked or walked around the neighborhood, played music I enjoyed on my instruments, and journaled constantly. I also held a May day celebration and a ceremony for all the hospice patients I worked with. I know I'll never see them again. This makes me sad, but also joyful that I had the privilege to get to know them through music therapy. Today, a day after my clease, I find I have a lot to catch up on online, but other than that, I am adjusting well back to my regular (and still healthy) lifestyle. What I gained? An affirmation of my place in the world of a creative healer through music therapy and yoga instruction, a clearer toxin-free body and mind, and a kick start to a daily meditation practice I plan to follow. I shall deeply miss Asheville: all its quirks and opportunities. All of the art, music, dance, yoga, healing, local foods, hiking spots, interesting people, poetry, and spiritual energy. I will miss my supervisors, other interns, patients, roommates, and friends. I know my wings have already been spreading for a long time, but now they spread even more. Time to take some flying swoops. Flying is manifesting itself in my yoga practice. Just as I am becoming independent from my parents and school, I am also working with headstand, or salamba sirsasana, and getting away from the support of the wall. It takes courage and strength. I have felt lately, increasing ability to do this. Someday I know, suddenly, my legs will lift unsupported. And that is just the beginning of the exploration!

Gateway Awaiting

The time of the end of my internship is drawing near. I am sad to leave such a wonderful work environment and the job that I love. But at the same time, I am relieved that this period of my life of being a student is coming to a close. I may take the liberty to say that I have a mild case of "seniorinternitis." I'm not being lazy about my job, just thinking a lot more about the future instead of investing my energies solely in the present. I have assignments on top of seeing bereavement and hospice clients. It feels like drudgery sometimes. But it is essential to this stage in my learning. I am proud to say that my supervisors have both told me that they can see a marked difference (for the better) with my music therapy skills since when I started!

Lately, I attended the regional music therapy conference in Charlotte. Every music therapist I met, every session I went to, seemed especially inspiring knowing that I will soon be an MT-BC. I even got to use some of the vocal improv exercises I learned at the conference in the grief choir! I reconnected with friends from Appalachian, Florida, and New Orleans. New opportunities seemed to be waiting around every corner.

Sadly, my time in sweet Asheville is coming to a close. I am going to be what a friend in Boone referred to as a "Boonerang," but not in the lame sort of way. Boone draws me back because of its sense of rejuvenation and comfort. I feel like I need to move back to Boone a) because I will not move back in with my parents, b) because many of my friends are in Boone, c) because Boone is my spiritual center, d) because I have a place to stay and a part time job lined up there, and e) because my heart says "YES! You need time to collect yourself, reflect on where you have been, and where you want to go". I recognize that times of transition, "gateway" times, are somehow necessary to me to provide insight.

It was stated in the last kirtan I attended that Ganesha (the Hindu god of overcoming obstacles) guards the gateway to our hearts. Therefore, I humbly ask Ganesh to be my friend, and please, to let me pass into a place in life free from anxiety and full of happiness.

The Journeywoman

Flowers begin to pop up, the sun glistens off of new blades of bright green grass. There is a fresh smell in the air and frequent nourishing rains. The mountains are beginning to awaken from their slumber. The birds, squirrels, and other animals I see seem infused with a new Spring energy. In my step as well there is more buoyancy.

Despite an increase in hours spent at my workplace, I feel a new freedom and energy beginning to emerge. I have begun teaching a weekly staff yoga class, which inspires me to inspire others. I work in several bereavement groups, bringing music therapy to nurture and encourage the hard work of grieving. And I am seeing individual hospice patients in the community, both in private homes and nursing homes. It is amazing to me how diverse my patients and clients are. So many different spiritual beliefs, cultures, and musical tastes are represented. I see each hospice patient as having the ability to "crown" their life with enriched living to the end. Many of them, despite debilitating illnesses like dementia and COPD, are magnificently full of life and willing to share their love. There are so many jewels of personality, humor, and lively opinion left in people even in the very last days of life. It is easy to see a nursing home patient as "unresponsive" if you do not look and listen closely. There seems to be a music in every soul I work with, waiting to escape. Music therapy seems to bring their individual jewels of music to the surface. I am merely the assistant in this process.

At work every day I try to bring a centered mind resulting from good nutrition, enough sleep, and a daily yoga practice. Though I spend the majority of weeknights practicing music at home, I always try to stop around 9:30 or 10 to give myself time to wind down and rest. I am still learning so much. Every day I discover something about myself and music therapy that is new to me. All of this learning requires a certain amount of rest. Just like savasana (final relaxation pose) is necessary to soak up holistic benefits at the end of a yoga practice, my night's sleep is essential in letting me process new knowledge gained from my day. I have been dreaming particularly vivid dreams lately. Each morning when my alarm clock rings, I wake up gratefully knowing that my dreams are an important part of my learning process. Even though I don't always remember them, I know that they are working in the unconscious level to solve problems and bring insight to my life.

Challenges are arising in my life, the biggest being the end of my internship and the beginning of a life free from the nests I have comfortably been nestled in all of my life. It is time to start opening my wings and embracing this new energy I am feeling. It is time to start putting a direction to my new adult life. I know mistakes and roadblocks lie ahead, but I also know boundless joy and wealth await and are even here now. My life's biggest problems are presented most days in the form of little challenges. Every day I survive them and grow from my experiences.

Heart opens,
A new fledgeling begins to stretch her wings,
The sky is blue and the air smells of spring,
A journey presents itself,
The fledgling commits herself to the journey!

Warm Winter Sun

I am getting new bursts of energy this month! The winter is warm, and lately there has been sun here. I think the weather plays into my mood significantly. If I am able to recharge in the warm sun on weekends like this one, I am ready to give my all in the coming week.

My internship is busy. I am seeing home care patients now, which involves a lot of driving around the area communities. My favorite little community thus far is West Asheville. It is it's own little town, complete with a co-op, yoga studio, hair solon, and music shop. The neighborhood surrounds the little "downtown" area and people are walking and biking to do their errands. Yesterday I went there to get my hair cut and stopped at the co-op to get a smoothie from the juice "farmacy."

I am really into practicing the harp lately. I am trying to practice every weekend. I believe the harp will be a wonderful instrument for hospice and relaxation work once I am proficient. I would like to get a Celtic harp to play when I am working as a music therapist in the future.

Another project I have started is networking. I have heard that networking is very important when searching for a job. Being an introvert, networking is hard for me, but I know it is important. I'd like to find a job but not be too stressed about it. I am certain everything will fall into place with my own energy and effort as well as the world of opportunity out there. So please, if you have any tips on finding a job or know of any places that are hiring or should hire a music therapist, please let me know! My dream job now is to work as a music therapist in a hospice setting, but I would be open to nursing home, hospital, psych, or integrative healing arts settings as well. I'd like teaching yoga to be a part of my life too.

When I'm not looking into my future, I try to focus on the present with an open heart. I find that one of the most important parts of life is making a keeping friends. My friends and family mean a lot to me. Thank you! Here in Asheville, I try to make new connections that possibly will grow into friendships. Sometimes the negative side of me says, "you probably won't be here much longer, so why bother making a friend network here?" But I know from experience that friendships can span distance and that it is worth it to make friends everywhere because they help me be a happy, loving person.

So to my friends, family, and colleagues, I have decided to have a section of my blog posts about movie/book/media/music recommendations. Please comment with your own recommendations or comments. I would presently recommend the book Enjoy Every Sandwich by Lee Lipsenthal. It is a beautiful commentary on the living while dying philosophy from a physician who has terminal cancer. It is short and easy to read. A longer, more philosophical read would be Who Dies? by Stephen Levine. It also includes meditation scripts relating to pain, greif, and conscious dying. And if you really want to expand your horizons, watch DMT: The Spirit Molecule. It is a documentary for those with curious minds.

I will close with a song Kundalini yogis sing in parting:

May the longtime sun shine upon you
all love surround you
and the pure light within you
guide your way home

Crunch Time

Christmas soon approaches. Most of my friends who are still in school are busy with finals. I am free of finals, but still feeling the pressure of this time of year. Just going to the post office today was a hassle. Unfortunately, I find myself on the schedule of the rest of America's work force. Since I work normal hours Monday through Friday, I have Saturday and Sunday to do most of the things I need to do unrelated to work. Last weekend Christmas shopping was crazy. Just seeing the traffic on Tunnel Road near the mall was enough to make me want to run away. It was the opposite of peace and joy for me.

I just thank my lucky stars I don't work at one of these establishments (the ones that push to sell products during Christmas). There is no overflow of hospice patients during Christmas. Bereavement may be another story. I know that people who have lost a loved one have an especially hard time at Christmas. I try to imagine sometimes how I would feel if I didn't have my family to go to around Christmas. I would probably dread it. I have a book of Christmas music that I bring around when I see patients, but not many people request Christmas music, despite the plethora of decorations around the hospice facility at which I work.

For me, crunch time doesn't necessarily have to do with finals or Christmas. It just has to do with entering the third month of my internship. Everything seems more challenging and overwhelming. I am learning new music very quickly, sometimes a couple of songs in a night. On top of that I have assignments to do. I have learned that planning relaxation scripts is not the most relaxing thing in the world. Also, I am learning to use Sibelius to write an arrangement of a song for our grief choir. It has been challenging, but I am learning that it is indeed superior to Finale, the program I used in school.

In the time of crunch, I am finding myself more prone to crunch down on junky food. The cafeteria food isn't that healthy to begin with, and having sweets that loving family members leave in the common areas of the hospice facility don't help my self-control. I know that sugar is a weakness for me. And this time of year it's harder than ever to avoid!

Despite all of this, I am still practicing my yoga and keeping myself healthy. I have not gotten ill yet since I moved. Hooray!

Yoga

Yoga means to join or to unite, Bringing the body and the mind together. For me, yoga is not just asana (physical movements). Yoga is a lifestyle, a way of dealing with everyday scenarios, emotions, and illness. I study the yoga sutras often. I read one or two most times I do my asana practice in the morning. The yoga sutras, written by Patanjali, are guidelines for living in the way of yoga. Today I learned that once one takes a vow, one keeps the vow, whether the vow is a fast, or a daily asana practice. I have a vow of a daily asana practice that I began two summers ago. This morning, I woke up very early to travel back with my family to North Carolina from spending Thanksgiving in Alabama. Since I did not get up in time to do asana, I did asana and yoga nidra (yoga sleep meditation) this afternoon when I returned home. I now feel refreshed after keeping my vow. What I like about my vow is that I can modify it. I don't have to do my asana in the morning, if I am sick or low on energy it does not have to be vigorous, I can attend a yoga class instead of practicing on my own... I modify according to what I need.

How do I use yoga in my internship? Driving is a time I always try to use yoga techniques. Since my work involves driving, I focus on relaxing and not getting overly anxious on my way to a from work. I know using yoga while driving will be extra beneficial to me when I start driving to see patients in several months. Pranayama (breathing) techniques are very useful when I have just had an intense experience with a patient or with a supervisor. Pranayama helps move emotions through the body in a healthy way (just like music often does). I use yoga when I play music. If there is a particularly difficult song I am playing, I check in with my body and relax what doesn't necessarily need to be tight. Generally, this frees my mind and body into a more easeful state in which I am more likely to succeed in playing the song. Also, since I use my voice very much when I work, I must always be in tune with my fifth chakra (located in the throat). Since my voice has shown signs of weakening lately, I am now gently investigating my fifth chakra.

You may not believe all about chakras and energetics, but I am beginning to more and more. Through working with dying patients who cannot always communicate, I have to use my intuition many times to know what they need. Often I feel that silence and holding their hand is best. Often a specific song, or an improvisation. Sometimes, the patient's body will tell me if my intuition was correct. These sessions involve my knowledge of energetics as well as my knowledge about music therapy.

As a yoga student and music therapy intern, I'm learning what it means to be united mind and body. To heal and unite myself is the first step in helping others to heal and unite themselves.